


Cure Wounds (at Second Level)

by pok3d3x



Series: Fireside Chats [3]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Late at Night, Night Terrors, Nightmares, Sobbing, Spoilers, no editing we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-31
Updated: 2018-05-31
Packaged: 2019-05-16 10:43:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14809850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pok3d3x/pseuds/pok3d3x
Summary: *Spoilers for ep19: Gentleman's Path*Set during watch after the big battle, Jester has a terrifying nightmare and seeks Caleb out. A little midnight talk turns out to be just what the doctor ordered.





	Cure Wounds (at Second Level)

**Author's Note:**

> I've recently had a personal tragedy in my life and so I don't know if I'll be able to edit this anytime soon like I planned. I was hoping to release it soon though, so I might as well present it as is. Please enjoy some feels and give kudos or leave comments if you wish.

Jester woke with such a start that she could hear blood in her ears and the pounding of her heart through her chest. Pressure was built at the base of her horns like a stress headache was hitting her, and she felt sticky from sweat despite her cool physicality. The nightmare that she just ripped herself awake from was surely to blame, and with tears burning her eyes she muffled an aching sob.

With single mindedness unparalleled by the antics her typically sunny disposition got her into, she got out of her bed roll and sought Caleb out immediately. He'd fallen asleep away from anyone else with Nott curled up under the cart with Molly.

He woke about as panickedly as she had, flame licking his hands until his eyes focused on Jester leaning over him. " _Was?_ Wh-what is wrong? Are we under attack?" He was trying to sit up so he could look out for danger, but he sank back to the ground painfully as Jester tackled him with a hug and fell on top of him.

"Caleb," she said with a shrieking gasp. "Oh, it was horrible, I th-thought you were—in my dream you d-died—I thought you were dead," she cried, her tongue tripping over itself as she tried to explain how fully she believed he was dead earlier that night; how in her dream he was really dead, and their party held a funeral and everything; and when she woke up just now, she saw him sleeping and he had been so still her sleep drenched brain had convinced her he might be dead even after all her healing and the conversation following the battle.

His skin itched at her familiar touch, Jester hugging him tighter than he let anyone but Nott, and that she hung for dear life and didn't let go had him holding his breath uncomfortably. Any breath would deepen the hug.

When she didn't answer his initial question, Caleb willed his brain to mull through all that she had said as he woke and realized the reason she was hugging him and crying. With uncertainty, he wrapped an arm around her and muttered," I'm alive, Jester. It's all okay."

As bad as he felt for causing her distress, he awkwardly requested," Please, would you at least let me sit up?"

"It wasn't a funny joke," she sniffled as she pulled away and let him free. Jester brushed tears from both cheeks.

"I'm sorry, Jester, I didn't mean it as a joke. I was… caught off guard when you asked how I was back on my feet," he said, remembering his stuttered line during the battle, and winced. She had sobbed over what she thought was his corpse, she had felt she failed him, and he had mumbled something about it being a joke.

Jester's voice held an accusatory tone as she demanded," I healed you! Why didn't you get to your feet sooner?"

"Modern literature… a con of Nott's and mine, like moneypot," he answered. "Should one of us be in a compromising situation, and it be advantageous for the other to seem the enemy… They shoot and the other… plays dead."

"Play dead? But you didn't stop playing dead when I healed you, I thought you really _were_ dead," she said, a small sob breaking free. "You need to tell us these kind of things. I can be covert just like you and Nott, maybe better with the Traveler's blessing! I… I n-need to kn-know… about… these kind of th-things—"

His ashen face from her dream flashed through her mind, and she doubled over, hands over her face as she began crying harder.

Caleb looked on with wide eyes, almost afraid of the situation. He hadn't had to comfort a crying friend in almost twenty years, and he hadn't been good at it then. Time could only have made him worse. His stomach flopped at the idea of how much of a mess he would make trying to make things better.

He nervously reached out and grabbed her shoulder lightly, and almost let go with a shocked yelp when she sat straight up and looked him in the eyes, her own bright with tears and an emotion he couldn't read immediately. It was only sheer force of will that let him hold on, though he couldn't help it and averted his eyes. 

"You're so tense, Caleb," Jester said, placing a hand over his and twining their fingers, and that was too much for him. She wasn't surprised as he withdrew his hand and haltingly brought his hands to insecurely crossing his arms in front of him.

" _Ja_ , well, I'm not very used to sharing a personal bubble with people."

Jester giggled and excitedly whispered," Like new clients of my mom's. She said they always needed extra attention, but it made them all nervous."

Caleb gave a small, uncomfortable cough and looked pointedly to the ground. "Perhaps. I won't fight the wisdom of your mother," he said. "I am new to this—" As much as it made him want to claw at his face and brought sickly warmth to his chest, he looked up and met her eyes with his own. "I'm new to having friends, and I will mess up."

Her brow drew up with concern, and she breathed in as if to say something, most likely encouraging, but he needed to finish his thoughts. She wasn't much better at reading people than himself, but she recognized the focus that held his eyes and waited for him to finish his struggling explanation.

"And, I… I didn't mean to hurt you by not sharing our list of cons. This is… I haven't trusted a group of people in a long time like I do the Nein, and it's scary. The thought that I could is terrifying, and I'm not quite sure I'm ready, but I'm trying.

"If I do keep small secrets like our cons, it's because…" He averted his eyes once more as he thought, _it's because I'm so focused on the big ones_. He wasn't ready to admit that though, so he went with a lesser truth," I'm not used to being upfront with anyone anymore. I don't even think to tell Nott things frequently. I'm working on it," he said with an amount of sincerity that surprised himself. 

"Wow, that was a lot more open than I expected," she said. 

"You think so little of me?"

"No, I'm so proud of you," she countered, scooping him up in a hug. She smiled ear to ear when he hesitantly returned the hug with two loose fists held to her shoulder blades. 

"You should think little of me," he whispered, his voice low and dark. "I would hate to disappoint you."

"Like your mom and dad?" she asked without thinking. Her chest hurt at the little whimper that escaped him and the way he tightened the hug and tucked his head against her shoulder. 

"Oh no, I came to you because I was crying and now _you're_ crying. I'm the worst cleric," she said with an emphatic sigh. She rubbed his back lightly as he sniffled and inaudible cries shook through him. "Don't cry, Caleb. Please, I'm sorry. I was crying because I thought you were dead, but you're not! So, hurray! We should be cheering," she said earnestly, almost pleading.

Through gritted teeth and muffled into her shoulder, he hoarsely whispered," My being alive is no cause for celebration."

"Why would you say that, Caleb? You're my friend!"

He ripped away, pushing her down as he stumbled to his feet. "Y-you don't know me! You don't know my cons, or anything about me! You don't know where I've been, what I've done, or who I've—" He clapped his hands around his mouth as he made a wet, choking sound.

"But I do know you," she protested, supporting herself on her elbows and wincing a little at how she'd caught herself with a twinge to her wrist. "When I was sad that my mother's package had not come in yet, you gave me your own money. Like, a lot of it from how much you're used to having."

She pushed herself up to sitting, and Caleb nervously backed up despite having the clear highground. It seemed ridiculous to her for a moment that a man who held such burning power at his command could be cowed by her simply sitting up when he loomed over her. Jester didn't attempt to stand and kept her voice soft as she continued, afraid to scare the wizard away.

"And I know how much you love your cat, but you make him cuddle up with us when one of us is sad. And! And, you get flustered by compliments, but you make sure to compliment us and make us look good for others, like with Yasha holding on to the darts from Pumat's… You don't care about saving face, you just want us to be happy—and you didn't even really trust us. I don't know that you even trust us now, but you've still put so much energy into making us happy, when you're hurting yourself," Jester said, her voice getting thick with emotion. "I know you."

"No," he said with less conviction than he'd had before. "You don't. And I don't deserve the opportunity for you to get to."

"You do," she argued," And I want to. You've been a good friend—"

"Good isn't the same as desperate!"

Losing her temper a little, she pushed herself to her feet and stood up with a stomp. "If you're desperate for friendship, then why are you being such an ass now and sabotaging it?!"

Caleb's voice cracked as he squeaked out," Because—"

Jester interrupted his feeble explanation and said," Don't say you don't deserve it! What about what we deserve? We like having you around! And so what if you're desperate for friends, so are all of us. The Traveler was my first and only friend until Fjord, and I've known him a week longer than I've known you!

"I know you have some big scary thing in your past that makes freeze at the sight of fire, and it must be really bad because it wakes you with nightmares and you're afraid of touch and I think it's as much you being afraid of being hurt as you're afraid you'll hurt others. I'm sorry it happened, whatever it was, and I'm sorry it hurt you and you're afraid to open up now.

"But I get being desperate for friends. I have been my whole life, but I found a group of people who are wonderful, and you're one of them. I want to be your friend, and I want you to know you're my friend. Maybe I don't know you or what you've done. I don't know your cons and so I have stupid dreams that make me cry—"

At this, she began to sob again, covering her face with her hands and letting out an embarrassed whine. Jester looked up with surprise as she felt a hand touch upon either shoulder. He was holding her at arm's reach awkwardly, looking away. Here he was trying to reach out again, because she was hurting, and she could tell how difficult it was for him. She dared not move closer in any way and break the spell.

"I've been a bad friend," he whispered. "Maybe good from your lack of experience, I will not argue further. I'm sorry for my secrets, and how they've hurt you." 

His eyes danced over to Beau, sitting guard with Yasha and so enraptured by their angelic teammate, she'd noticed none of the commotion of Jester's and his argument. He was less certain if Yasha had noticed or not. "But I am working on becoming more open," he said with a resolute nod, remembering the night in the Pillow Trove.

"And I'd like to become—" He licked his lips as the words died and he struggled to find the right phrasing. "I want to be someone who deserves your friendship, and I guess the best way to get there is be a good friend to the best of my ability, _ja?_ "

Jester nodded earnestly and insisted," And you are!"

Caleb gave a dry, humorless laugh, but he didn't fight her words any further as he pulled her into a hug. "Please accept my apology, my friend. I will do my best not to disappoint you, even if your evaluation of me is too high."

"I already forgave you, Caleb," she said, burrowing her face into his scarf. She wrinkled her nose at the smell, but decided not to mention it. "Sorry for waking you up," she mumbled with a small yawn.

"As I am the cause for your lack of sleep, I think that is easy enough to forgive," he said lightly. "Let's try to get some sleep."

"Okay," Jester agreed, rubbing at one eye. 

"Try to get some better sleep, Jester," Caleb wished.

"Oh, I will," she said with certainty. "And you try to have sweet dreams too, okay?"

Caleb was much less certain, but he promised," I'll try. Thank you."


End file.
